"I Can't Even Walk" By Jessy Dixon, David Phelps, Guy Penrod

My Most Embarassing Moment or.. where's an exit when you want one!

It's been a lifetime coming, not that I haven't had embarassing moments. There were but it has taken years for me to be able to tell my most embarassing moment. There were all the usual times that you live with that you wish were not burned into your being such as grade school when I was nicknamed, "Poor Pitiful Pearl" after a popular doll of that day. Pearl was very long legged, long scraggly hair and kinda mismatched!! Its hard to be very critical when the nickname fits so well. I did look like a starving child in Euthopia, before they were starving ( long time ago). Or the Band Day in high school where all the band wears that bulky band uniform for spirit and finding out Band Day is "tomorrow". There was the flute solo that I played that was actually a "rest" for everyone else in the band. OHH and much later after I had become a mom, taking my child to school because he missed the bus, only he didn't miss the bus. School was out on that day. That in itself was bad but I chewed that baby boy out for missing the bus and since I had to get up and out to drive him to school I went to the grocery store. It was noon before I got home and found out my son had been there just hanging out with his teacher who had a work day that day!!! :) Sorry, Chris!

The moments that we find embarassing as adults are hopefully looked upon in a different light. Or should I say, hopefully overlooked.

It is difficult even now to relate this moment. Some things become funny after time passes and maybe enough time has passed that I can finally air this great humiliation to the world. Maybe some of you have had those moments and will "walk in the light" with me as I brace myself to expose my greatest blunder to the world.

In 1994 my oldest daughter married and moved with her husband to the world of Maine, somewhere in the northern hemisphere. Far enough away that it takes a full day's plane ride to get there. There were so many tears, so many phone calls and finally the dreaded trip to the world of Maine. Its a beautiful place, awesome. So different than the south east Texas coast where we live. I spent an awesome time seeing all the sights, discovering black flies and an accent that sure didn't fit in my Texas slang. Finally it was time to come home. Again with many many tears I made my way on the plane heading back to Texas. The trip from Bangor to Newark was uneventful. The Newark airport is a whole new learning curve for an east Texan but I was in it for the ride. After all, my baby connected us!

We boarded the plane and taxied to the runway and stopped. And waited. And waited. After about 40 minutes the captain said we were going back to the terminal for a medical emergency. Another 30 minutes and we started out again. This time it was raining but since when does a little rain stop a big jet? o.k. o.k. The pilot came on and said we had lost our place in line and because of the rain we were now number twenty three.. that's 23 in line!!!! Lots of groans and moans. It was getting close to 2 hours now just sitting on the tarmack. People were getting crumpy. Finally, the captain said he was going to allow a 15 minute break to get up and move around. They couldn't offer any drinks because they needed to be ready to take off. People filled the aisle to the bathroom.

Background on me. I do not like public bathrooms and avoid them like the plague. I dehydrate myself when I know I'll be out so I won't be compelled to visit those places. Knowing this about myself I sat there quietly while everyone else on the plane trekked down that aisle.

People were seated and strapped in. We waited. The total time on the plane that day was 5 hours and 15 minutes before we took off but I'm getting ahead of myself. After about another hour people were really grumbling. This was awful. We were tired and by now even my dehydrated state was beginning to become more fluid :) I kept thinking even if we took off it was still over 3 hours to get to Houston, an hour on the ground, 45 minutes to Beaumont and 30 to my home. Plus, I knew by this time that there was no way I would make my connecting flight to Houston so I was facing a public bathroom whether I wanted it or not.

The captain said we could have a break and again that aisle filled up but I had no choice. I squeezed my way in line and waited. The bathrooms were set at the back of the plane diagonally facing the aisle. FINALLY, my turn. Sitting down to take my "break" I started fluffing up my hair. It was somewhat long and had flattened sitting against the plane seatback. Somewhere in that process I looked through my hair at the floor and what should have been the door but was instead a pair of sneakers, little girls sneakers. Next to her sneakers were HIS sneakers and behind HIS sneakers were HER heels... etc etc etc....... Still looking through my hair, my brain started saying YOU DIDN"T SHUT THE DOOR, STUPID!! I'm not sure how long it took my brain to engage my body to move but there was a debate going on between brain and muscles about what my next move should be and how soon that next move should happen but it is and never will be quick enough to remove that view from my brain. I was sitting on a PUBLIC TOILET in front of a whole line of people !!!!!!!!!!

What would you do? Would you say something? Would you scream? Would you jump up??? heaven help, no... What would you do????? I waved and smiled. There was no sympathic smile back at me just blank stares like just hurry up crazy lady!!! I shut the door and tried to think of some way out of that bathroom. There is no way I would fit down that hole, so that was out. The only thing to do was walk back out in front of those people !!!!!!!

That's what I did. I fluffed my hair again but this time moved it to cover more of my face and opened the door. I didn't look anyone in the face and just kept walking. I prayed that the man sitting next to me had not been in that line!!!!!!

To this day I check where the bathrooms are located when I get on the plane. I also make sure the door is LOCKED. It still feels like a mute point, like closing the gate after the cows are out. You can't take it back. Ohhh me.

New Experiences in the Aging Process!

Its been a long time coming but finally I gave in and purchased a scooter and lift to make my mobility better! In the back of my mind I could see my mom on her scooter and as much as I loved her, I hated dealing with that scooter and knew I would never need one. God does have a sense of humor, doesn't He? :)

Thurs was my first day out with the scooter. :) :) Just to be on the cautious side, I brought it in the house to make sure there was a good charge on the batteries. That was last week and Wily had to "unstuck" it from the front door. Charging it was easy, for someone, I'm sure but not me. Why did they have to put that crazy plug on the end. Its a three-prong plug covered so you can't tell where the prongs fit and since I have reached the point that I needed a mobility scooter, seeing and reaching the floor are also on my list of MOBILITY problems !!! Willy was out of town so I had to wait for him to plug in the dang thang. That was all right, too because I wasn't as mad by the time he got home.

FINALLY, time to leave the nest. I rode the scooter out to the van. So cool. Opened the door and proceeded to load it just like they told me. I promise, just like they told me !! :) It began to lift the handle bar and front tire but the seat and back were like glued to the ground. I lowered the lift and started all over. I upped and downed it, in and outed it but the scooter was still hanging like it had been crucified, arms out . I knew I had to do something or be late to Bible Study so I upped it as high as it would go and began shoving with all my might to get it in. (Again, I refer back to the mobility issue ) All the while thinking this was supposed to make life better for me??? I wish I could explain how it looked inside the van. Took me several more attempts of shoving and arranging to get the van door to close. By this time I was glistening. Southern women don't sweat, they glisten :) :) The thought crossed my mind that I really should go in and take a shower but I was late.

Last year Bible Study started at 9:00 and coffee at 8:30. This year they changed the time to what I thought was coffee at 9 and BS at 9:30 so since I was already running late I decided to go on and not let anyone hug me. Do you realize we are a world of huggers???? My wig was double glistening and I was very unsure of my odor status but I went on. You'd think by this age I would have learned this lesson. ANYWAY. I rushed in totally giving up on the idea of using the hung scooter because I wasn't sure I could get it back in the van. The first lady I saw said, I thought you were bringing your scooter. I said... well, I kinda did and told her the story. The next thing I knew there was a scooter brigade to get my scooter out of the van. I kept saying, no, that's all right, I'll get Willy to figure it out tonight but NO.. NO......About 10 women headed out to the van.

Yep, they all agreed, it was hung. There was laughing and some hollering but I saw that scooter come out. It came out screaming! I don't know how or what was adjusted but it was beeping constantly and wouldn't move. You should have seen the determination in that pack of women. It was like a hive of bees moving their queen just buzzing around touching, pulling, pushing and laughing. Finally, mission accomplished and I happily rode in on my little chariot.

My friend Cheryl came up to me then and said she was suprised to see me so early(I'm always late ) Turns out I had the times wrong and coffee was at 9:30 and BS at 10:00 :) :)

BS was great but in the back of my mind I kept thinking about getting the scooter "hung" again. It was great having it tho because our church is so big.

Afterward, I waited on Cheryl and thought, that's good, more people are leaving. Fewer to watch as I load this thing. :) Finally Cheryl was finished and we headed to the van. Cheryl is all miss confidence... "We can do this! "!!!! I wheeled up to the van just like they told me and lowered the little crane like thing and attached it to the seat. It would NOT go in right. We hung it in the air for a few minutes, re-tried it and still, it would NOT go in right. By this time we are both GLISTENING BAD and laughing till we could hardly breathe. We got serious and set our purses down and began to push and shove. We got it in but couldn't close the door. I kept thinking that I would never ever use this again. So much for making my life easier. We took the little cutesy basket off and kept shoving till we got the door closed.

The place that installed the lift was just a few blocks away so that was my first stop after lunch. I told them about my morning experiences and whinned a bit more then made the mechanic promise not to laugh when he saw how the scooter was loaded. He did, tho. Then started telling me how easy it was to use the lift !!!!! DADGUMMMMM, I said, JUST SHOW ME !!! He started and then stopped talking and began looking further. Finally, I said, SHOW ME. He said hesitantly, It looks like there's a piece that has come off !!!!!!! He had to go back and get tools to fix it but then it did work like it was supposed to. It rose in the air exactly like a regal king being transported to his throne!!! So cool !

All that pushing and shoving and glistening wore me out! I came home and went right to my chair. So technically, I have never loaded and unloaded the scooter on my own. Cheryl says that she will STILL go with me on my first voyage out. Bless her heart. We're supposed to go this afternoon so say a prayer for me.

First full day with Scooter !

My poor friend, Cheryl was in pain today but she wouldn't admit it was pushing and pulling on that scooter that caused it. We had lunch at Olive Garden then went to J C Penney in the mall ! I haven't even been to the mall in YEARS. It was so much fun. I can see right now that this time/energy saving device is not going to be cost effective ! Only 4 tops, tho. There was only one little hitch with scoot. When I got it on the ground and ready to ride it started screaming again, well, actually only beep, beep, beep, beep, beep. Just sounded like screaming at the time. Turns out there are like little gears down near the wheels. I know one engages the wheel and one kinda puts a brake on... don't know what the other one is for but you have to have it on the right gear, as in the go gear ! I'm not too concerned about learning what they all mean because the first time Willy goes with me he will tell me exactly what I'm doing wrong and how I should do it correctly!!!

For a while after my mother came to live with us she lived in an apartment right next to the church and right behind a grocery store That was before cell phones. At the church if she had a problem the guys would make sure she got home but one day I got a call at the school that my mom was stuck in Kroger and couldn't get her groceries back home. You know the old saying, "the apple doesn't fall far from the tree!! I can see right now there are going to be those days! :)