Thinking of Mom.....

I can hardly believe its been 12 years since you were here near me in life. Its been even longer since we were able to sit and chat. How can it still cause tears to roll down my face? How is it possible to still miss you the way I do? I'm so thankful for those last years with you living with or at least close to me. What a special person you were. Such love. How many times do I have the urge to call you and tell you something???? You would love my kids and be so proud of them. The grandkids would so enjoy you! I remember you holding Tyler as a baby. He took his very first "alone" steps there in the nursing home with you. What a big, wonderful guy he is now. You would love his hugs. You never knew any of the others but you would love them. Alexa has become such a beautiful sweet young lady. Laci is a little sweetheart. She can wrap you around her little finger with just one look! Then there are Chris' kids, Andrew and Nate. Andrew is so grown up. He's "dating". How soon time passes. Nate is going to be an athelete. He's strong and loves all kinds of Legos. Kathy's little boy, Blake is such so special. He's not much into hugging and kissing but loves reading books. He's full of questions that surprise you.

I've been doing more on the genealogy and wish... oh so wish I had asked more questions. I wish I could pour over the old pictures and hear your stories again. One thing that has been on my mind this week was how your parents left North Carolina after they had lost two babies and had only Aunt Karl. The loss that your mother must have had about leaving behind those two babies knowing she probably wouldn't ever be back. Plus, leaving all the things that were a part of her life and going somewhere she didn't know anything about. Then you did the same thing. You left Arkansas with Daddy and moved to Amarillo. Were you terribly lonesome? Did you long to go back? Did it take you a long time to make friends in Amarillo? Then the loss of your own child. How did you deal with that? God must have thought you were a strong woman to lay that burden on you.

Its hard to remember back to the January you died. You were so sick, for so long. I wanted you to get better so bad. I didn't want to let you go but I couldn't stand that you were so sick. I have to remind myself of the joy you must have had on leaving here and being finally at peace. You were so loved ! I was so proud of you.