Thinking of Mom.....

I can hardly believe its been 12 years since you were here near me in life. Its been even longer since we were able to sit and chat. How can it still cause tears to roll down my face? How is it possible to still miss you the way I do? I'm so thankful for those last years with you living with or at least close to me. What a special person you were. Such love. How many times do I have the urge to call you and tell you something???? You would love my kids and be so proud of them. The grandkids would so enjoy you! I remember you holding Tyler as a baby. He took his very first "alone" steps there in the nursing home with you. What a big, wonderful guy he is now. You would love his hugs. You never knew any of the others but you would love them. Alexa has become such a beautiful sweet young lady. Laci is a little sweetheart. She can wrap you around her little finger with just one look! Then there are Chris' kids, Andrew and Nate. Andrew is so grown up. He's "dating". How soon time passes. Nate is going to be an athelete. He's strong and loves all kinds of Legos. Kathy's little boy, Blake is such so special. He's not much into hugging and kissing but loves reading books. He's full of questions that surprise you.

I've been doing more on the genealogy and wish... oh so wish I had asked more questions. I wish I could pour over the old pictures and hear your stories again. One thing that has been on my mind this week was how your parents left North Carolina after they had lost two babies and had only Aunt Karl. The loss that your mother must have had about leaving behind those two babies knowing she probably wouldn't ever be back. Plus, leaving all the things that were a part of her life and going somewhere she didn't know anything about. Then you did the same thing. You left Arkansas with Daddy and moved to Amarillo. Were you terribly lonesome? Did you long to go back? Did it take you a long time to make friends in Amarillo? Then the loss of your own child. How did you deal with that? God must have thought you were a strong woman to lay that burden on you.

Its hard to remember back to the January you died. You were so sick, for so long. I wanted you to get better so bad. I didn't want to let you go but I couldn't stand that you were so sick. I have to remind myself of the joy you must have had on leaving here and being finally at peace. You were so loved ! I was so proud of you.

"I Can't Even Walk" By Jessy Dixon, David Phelps, Guy Penrod

My Most Embarassing Moment or.. where's an exit when you want one!

It's been a lifetime coming, not that I haven't had embarassing moments. There were but it has taken years for me to be able to tell my most embarassing moment. There were all the usual times that you live with that you wish were not burned into your being such as grade school when I was nicknamed, "Poor Pitiful Pearl" after a popular doll of that day. Pearl was very long legged, long scraggly hair and kinda mismatched!! Its hard to be very critical when the nickname fits so well. I did look like a starving child in Euthopia, before they were starving ( long time ago). Or the Band Day in high school where all the band wears that bulky band uniform for spirit and finding out Band Day is "tomorrow". There was the flute solo that I played that was actually a "rest" for everyone else in the band. OHH and much later after I had become a mom, taking my child to school because he missed the bus, only he didn't miss the bus. School was out on that day. That in itself was bad but I chewed that baby boy out for missing the bus and since I had to get up and out to drive him to school I went to the grocery store. It was noon before I got home and found out my son had been there just hanging out with his teacher who had a work day that day!!! :) Sorry, Chris!

The moments that we find embarassing as adults are hopefully looked upon in a different light. Or should I say, hopefully overlooked.

It is difficult even now to relate this moment. Some things become funny after time passes and maybe enough time has passed that I can finally air this great humiliation to the world. Maybe some of you have had those moments and will "walk in the light" with me as I brace myself to expose my greatest blunder to the world.

In 1994 my oldest daughter married and moved with her husband to the world of Maine, somewhere in the northern hemisphere. Far enough away that it takes a full day's plane ride to get there. There were so many tears, so many phone calls and finally the dreaded trip to the world of Maine. Its a beautiful place, awesome. So different than the south east Texas coast where we live. I spent an awesome time seeing all the sights, discovering black flies and an accent that sure didn't fit in my Texas slang. Finally it was time to come home. Again with many many tears I made my way on the plane heading back to Texas. The trip from Bangor to Newark was uneventful. The Newark airport is a whole new learning curve for an east Texan but I was in it for the ride. After all, my baby connected us!

We boarded the plane and taxied to the runway and stopped. And waited. And waited. After about 40 minutes the captain said we were going back to the terminal for a medical emergency. Another 30 minutes and we started out again. This time it was raining but since when does a little rain stop a big jet? o.k. o.k. The pilot came on and said we had lost our place in line and because of the rain we were now number twenty three.. that's 23 in line!!!! Lots of groans and moans. It was getting close to 2 hours now just sitting on the tarmack. People were getting crumpy. Finally, the captain said he was going to allow a 15 minute break to get up and move around. They couldn't offer any drinks because they needed to be ready to take off. People filled the aisle to the bathroom.

Background on me. I do not like public bathrooms and avoid them like the plague. I dehydrate myself when I know I'll be out so I won't be compelled to visit those places. Knowing this about myself I sat there quietly while everyone else on the plane trekked down that aisle.

People were seated and strapped in. We waited. The total time on the plane that day was 5 hours and 15 minutes before we took off but I'm getting ahead of myself. After about another hour people were really grumbling. This was awful. We were tired and by now even my dehydrated state was beginning to become more fluid :) I kept thinking even if we took off it was still over 3 hours to get to Houston, an hour on the ground, 45 minutes to Beaumont and 30 to my home. Plus, I knew by this time that there was no way I would make my connecting flight to Houston so I was facing a public bathroom whether I wanted it or not.

The captain said we could have a break and again that aisle filled up but I had no choice. I squeezed my way in line and waited. The bathrooms were set at the back of the plane diagonally facing the aisle. FINALLY, my turn. Sitting down to take my "break" I started fluffing up my hair. It was somewhat long and had flattened sitting against the plane seatback. Somewhere in that process I looked through my hair at the floor and what should have been the door but was instead a pair of sneakers, little girls sneakers. Next to her sneakers were HIS sneakers and behind HIS sneakers were HER heels... etc etc etc....... Still looking through my hair, my brain started saying YOU DIDN"T SHUT THE DOOR, STUPID!! I'm not sure how long it took my brain to engage my body to move but there was a debate going on between brain and muscles about what my next move should be and how soon that next move should happen but it is and never will be quick enough to remove that view from my brain. I was sitting on a PUBLIC TOILET in front of a whole line of people !!!!!!!!!!

What would you do? Would you say something? Would you scream? Would you jump up??? heaven help, no... What would you do????? I waved and smiled. There was no sympathic smile back at me just blank stares like just hurry up crazy lady!!! I shut the door and tried to think of some way out of that bathroom. There is no way I would fit down that hole, so that was out. The only thing to do was walk back out in front of those people !!!!!!!

That's what I did. I fluffed my hair again but this time moved it to cover more of my face and opened the door. I didn't look anyone in the face and just kept walking. I prayed that the man sitting next to me had not been in that line!!!!!!

To this day I check where the bathrooms are located when I get on the plane. I also make sure the door is LOCKED. It still feels like a mute point, like closing the gate after the cows are out. You can't take it back. Ohhh me.

New Experiences in the Aging Process!

Its been a long time coming but finally I gave in and purchased a scooter and lift to make my mobility better! In the back of my mind I could see my mom on her scooter and as much as I loved her, I hated dealing with that scooter and knew I would never need one. God does have a sense of humor, doesn't He? :)

Thurs was my first day out with the scooter. :) :) Just to be on the cautious side, I brought it in the house to make sure there was a good charge on the batteries. That was last week and Wily had to "unstuck" it from the front door. Charging it was easy, for someone, I'm sure but not me. Why did they have to put that crazy plug on the end. Its a three-prong plug covered so you can't tell where the prongs fit and since I have reached the point that I needed a mobility scooter, seeing and reaching the floor are also on my list of MOBILITY problems !!! Willy was out of town so I had to wait for him to plug in the dang thang. That was all right, too because I wasn't as mad by the time he got home.

FINALLY, time to leave the nest. I rode the scooter out to the van. So cool. Opened the door and proceeded to load it just like they told me. I promise, just like they told me !! :) It began to lift the handle bar and front tire but the seat and back were like glued to the ground. I lowered the lift and started all over. I upped and downed it, in and outed it but the scooter was still hanging like it had been crucified, arms out . I knew I had to do something or be late to Bible Study so I upped it as high as it would go and began shoving with all my might to get it in. (Again, I refer back to the mobility issue ) All the while thinking this was supposed to make life better for me??? I wish I could explain how it looked inside the van. Took me several more attempts of shoving and arranging to get the van door to close. By this time I was glistening. Southern women don't sweat, they glisten :) :) The thought crossed my mind that I really should go in and take a shower but I was late.

Last year Bible Study started at 9:00 and coffee at 8:30. This year they changed the time to what I thought was coffee at 9 and BS at 9:30 so since I was already running late I decided to go on and not let anyone hug me. Do you realize we are a world of huggers???? My wig was double glistening and I was very unsure of my odor status but I went on. You'd think by this age I would have learned this lesson. ANYWAY. I rushed in totally giving up on the idea of using the hung scooter because I wasn't sure I could get it back in the van. The first lady I saw said, I thought you were bringing your scooter. I said... well, I kinda did and told her the story. The next thing I knew there was a scooter brigade to get my scooter out of the van. I kept saying, no, that's all right, I'll get Willy to figure it out tonight but NO.. NO......About 10 women headed out to the van.

Yep, they all agreed, it was hung. There was laughing and some hollering but I saw that scooter come out. It came out screaming! I don't know how or what was adjusted but it was beeping constantly and wouldn't move. You should have seen the determination in that pack of women. It was like a hive of bees moving their queen just buzzing around touching, pulling, pushing and laughing. Finally, mission accomplished and I happily rode in on my little chariot.

My friend Cheryl came up to me then and said she was suprised to see me so early(I'm always late ) Turns out I had the times wrong and coffee was at 9:30 and BS at 10:00 :) :)

BS was great but in the back of my mind I kept thinking about getting the scooter "hung" again. It was great having it tho because our church is so big.

Afterward, I waited on Cheryl and thought, that's good, more people are leaving. Fewer to watch as I load this thing. :) Finally Cheryl was finished and we headed to the van. Cheryl is all miss confidence... "We can do this! "!!!! I wheeled up to the van just like they told me and lowered the little crane like thing and attached it to the seat. It would NOT go in right. We hung it in the air for a few minutes, re-tried it and still, it would NOT go in right. By this time we are both GLISTENING BAD and laughing till we could hardly breathe. We got serious and set our purses down and began to push and shove. We got it in but couldn't close the door. I kept thinking that I would never ever use this again. So much for making my life easier. We took the little cutesy basket off and kept shoving till we got the door closed.

The place that installed the lift was just a few blocks away so that was my first stop after lunch. I told them about my morning experiences and whinned a bit more then made the mechanic promise not to laugh when he saw how the scooter was loaded. He did, tho. Then started telling me how easy it was to use the lift !!!!! DADGUMMMMM, I said, JUST SHOW ME !!! He started and then stopped talking and began looking further. Finally, I said, SHOW ME. He said hesitantly, It looks like there's a piece that has come off !!!!!!! He had to go back and get tools to fix it but then it did work like it was supposed to. It rose in the air exactly like a regal king being transported to his throne!!! So cool !

All that pushing and shoving and glistening wore me out! I came home and went right to my chair. So technically, I have never loaded and unloaded the scooter on my own. Cheryl says that she will STILL go with me on my first voyage out. Bless her heart. We're supposed to go this afternoon so say a prayer for me.

First full day with Scooter !

My poor friend, Cheryl was in pain today but she wouldn't admit it was pushing and pulling on that scooter that caused it. We had lunch at Olive Garden then went to J C Penney in the mall ! I haven't even been to the mall in YEARS. It was so much fun. I can see right now that this time/energy saving device is not going to be cost effective ! Only 4 tops, tho. There was only one little hitch with scoot. When I got it on the ground and ready to ride it started screaming again, well, actually only beep, beep, beep, beep, beep. Just sounded like screaming at the time. Turns out there are like little gears down near the wheels. I know one engages the wheel and one kinda puts a brake on... don't know what the other one is for but you have to have it on the right gear, as in the go gear ! I'm not too concerned about learning what they all mean because the first time Willy goes with me he will tell me exactly what I'm doing wrong and how I should do it correctly!!!

For a while after my mother came to live with us she lived in an apartment right next to the church and right behind a grocery store That was before cell phones. At the church if she had a problem the guys would make sure she got home but one day I got a call at the school that my mom was stuck in Kroger and couldn't get her groceries back home. You know the old saying, "the apple doesn't fall far from the tree!! I can see right now there are going to be those days! :)

Thought on this Day - Tyler

Sometimes I find it hard to grasp that nothing ever stays the same. Nothing ever stays the same. It would be so nice to wake up with all your problems solved, money in the bank and only sunshine coming through the windows. It just doesn't work that way. As we learn early in life, rain must fall.

Gardening used to be so rewarding. Seeing all the tiny seeds push through the dirt straining to get into the sunshine. There's a fragile balance of water and sun to keep the little seedlings growing and at times a real challenge for sure! Now days my plants struggle just staying alive from neglect and I'm sure there's another whole story on that subject.

Our lives as Christians have a tendency to struggle in the same way. We want to always be on the mountain top but its through the valley that we learn to trust and grow.

My sweet grandson Tyler has been facing some difficult times this summer and this past weekend has been even more difficult. Tonight we learned that he has broken his leg skating. School starts on Monday. OOPS !!! More prayer needed here!

A friend said sometime to me about treasures and it made me think of the old song we used to sing.

Are you longing for the fullness
Of the blessing of the Lord
In your heart and life today?
Claim the promise of your Father;
Come according to His Word,
In the blessèd, old time way.

Refrain

He will fill your heart today to overflowing.
As the Lord commandeth you,
“Bring your vessels, not a few.”
He will fill your heart today to overflowing
With the Holy Ghost and power.

Bring your empty earthen vessels,
Clean through Jesus’ precious blood.
Come, ye needy, one and all;
And in human consecration
Wait before the throne of God
Till the Holy Ghost shall fall.

Refrain

Like the cruse of oil unfailing
Is His grace forevermore,
And His love unchanging still;
And according to His promise,
With the Holy Ghost and power
He will every vessel fill.


I started looking for this song but can't find a good version but I did run across this article. Thought I would share it. We are earthen vessels, easily broken and worn but because we have the Lord He is able to fill them.

2 Corinthians 4:6-11

By Dr. Mark E. Hardgrove



If you had a great treasure, something so valuable that you would sell all that you have to obtain it, once you got this treasure where would you put it? Look at what Paul writes. "God . . . has shone in our hearts to give the light of the know of the glory of God [as seen in] he face of Jesus Christ." Then Paul writes, "but we have this treasure in earthen vessels . . .." The treasure is Christ in our heart, the hope of glory. The treasure is a right relationship with the Father, through the Son, in the Holy Spirit. This is the key that gives us access to the Kingdom of God, and the Kingdom of God is the pearl of great price.

we know what the treasure is, in short, it is the Gospel of Jesus Christ alive and working in our lives. Therefore, the clay pot is us. I know that doesn't give us much to glory in, but the truth is that God reached down and got a hand full of red earth and formed man. Then God breathed a spirit in to man and he became a living soul.

The pressures of life are relentless. The pressures of the world to conform to ideals and styles, appetites and desires that are contrary to God's Word, are constantly bombarding us from the media, at school and at work. The pressures of responsibilities in the family, on the job and in the church are always weighing upon us. Paul said of us clay pot that we are hard pressed.

We are hard pressed, from every side, and every angle, but because of the grace of God, the love of God and the power of the Holy Spirit, we are not crushed.

We are not crushed because the treasure in us sustains us. When a submarine goes thousands of feet below the ocean, the pressure of the water would crush the hull were it not for the air pressure within the ship. And in the waters of life, we would be crushed were it not for the Spirit of God that dwells within us

We are needy tonight, Lord! Please fill our vessels!

Psalm 73:23-27


23 Yet I am always with you; you hold me by my right hand.

24 You guide me with your counsel,and afterward you will take me into glory.

25 Whom have I in heaven but you? And earth has nothing I desire besides you.

26 My flesh and my heart may fail,but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever.

Pondering Life

My daughter has renewed her determination to be more faithful with her blog. I have MUCH more time than she has so why don't I do it? Maybe because she has something important to say but why should I let that hamper me, right?

Today was another wait in the doctors office which always makes me ponder. There's just nothing else to do. Why do people talk very soft in a crowded office? Doesn't it just make you want to listen harder to see what they are saying? Then there's the couple that doesn't care who hears them and even the occupants of the next doctors office can hear. Why does the whispered conversation seem more interesting? Today the loud couple were discussing pizza. It was all I could do to not join in. The only thing that was not discussed was which pizza place had the bargain pizza for $3.50 and "today is MONDAY, you get TWO". Wow, talk about cardboard. That must really be cardboard. Parts of the conversation were on whether pepperoni or sausage was better.... then, too, just plain cheese was good. "Mother likes pepperoni but only if its included in the sale... no wait, I better go call her to make sure..." Minutes later this conversation continues with him asking her to write down what mother likes. He was right that she likes pepperoni. She, on the other hand would prefer hamburger. I'm sitting there thinking this can't go on much longer but it does. Price is discussed... He paid for their lunch so it was decided that She would buy the bargain pizza. No, mother will pay for hers. She says she's having a hard time thinking about the pizza cause she's so full from their big lunch, that HE bought. You're thinking this conversation is about over but nope.... he thinks "Sue might like a pizza, too. " Maybe he should go call her and see. They must not have arrived in the new tech age where everyone uses a cell phone so he leaves again. Yes, Sue wants one. She says she can eat it later in the evening or maybe even for breakfast. They warm up pretty good if you cook them slow in the microwave. Why don't more of the pizza places have such bargains? I'm thinking how can you say all this and not mention WHERE the place is... o.k. back to the subject...you can't buy a frozen pizza for that price. Diogorno makes a good pizza but its over $5.00 for the smaller one. "Have you ever tried the stuffed crust variety"? OMG, it is so good. Would you believe I can't remember the other brand that was mentioned???? AND discussed?

While this conversation is going on ... and ON... other people are quietly sitting reading magazines and minding their own business. What are the other people thinking? Some can't hear well enough to be a part of it. This I know because the nurse has to yell their names. Its such a quiet atmosphere for the most part with only short sudden bursts.. MR JOHNSON!!
I guess they figure since its a heart doctors office they will give you a little jolt for the heart to keep you moving. EVeryone always turns and watches the lucky person move inside the magic door. Once inside that door the activity level changes and there is a glimmer of hope that you won't be spending your next hour within those walls. There are always little surprises inside those walls that keep you on your toes. Sudden hospital visits tend to make you a little more cautious about blindly heading down that hall. Inside the rooms is total silence. Where's the couple with the pizza when you really want to waist a little more time????

Tomorrow's thought: Shopping at Walmart!!!!!

Politics or Would I be happier if I put my head in the sand!

Good grief, what is this world coming to. We have been told all our lives how evil communism, socialisim, marxism.. etc are so how can we even be faced with this degree of radicalism in our America? It blows me away. This morning I read the goals of the One Nation rally scheduled for this coming Sat. They talked about not letting the RADICAL TEA PARTY take over this wonderful country..... HUH? Their slogan, One Nation under God indivisible with liberty and justice for all...... HOW could that be so opposite of what the tea party wants? Yes, I listen to Glenn Beck, faithfully I might add, and he always says not to take his word but to do the research for yourself. Well..... I have been. I am just dumbfounded. Not only is the communist party out of the closet, so is everyone else. How can our dreams and desires be so far different and yet have some of the same content? Where is reason? What is wrong with MORALITY? What is wrong with HONOR? For example, unions were/are part of our history. Unions were needed to help the worker stand on even footing but now? Unions as a whole contribute to the downfall of many thriving businesses. Employers can move to other countries cheaper than paying the bill for the demands of unions.

I had to look up the term astro turf but here's what I found:
"In response to the success of the Tea Party rallies in April 2009, House Speaker Nancy Pelosi (D-CA) accused the nascent movement of being “astroturf”–a political term of art for a faux movement funded by traditional powers to give a cause the appearance of independent grassroots support.
Pelosi repeated the “astroturf” slur in August 2009 as Tea Party activists showed up in large numbers at healthcare townhall meetings.
Five national tea party-related rallies have been held in our nation’s capitol in the past year and half. If there was evidence that thousands of tea party activists were getting free bus rides to these rallies, surely the media would have made certain the whole world knew about it."

There were no free buses for the Tea Party and yet the rally for One Nation has advertised where to find the buses, lunch will be included along with a T-Shirt for the event!!!!!!! Sponsors for the event are unbelievable. Exactly what I thought no longer existed in our nice, free America. All the big unions are included, AFL-CIO, SEIC, NAACP and the one that knocked the air out of me... Communist Party of the US/Youth Leadership WOW.....lots of socialist groups on and on and even a mention of the National Baptist Convention. Well, slap me silly and call me pudding!!!!!!!! The world seems to move further and further out of my set ideals on a daily basis. I am the tea party, I am a retired middle income person that believes I shouldn't live above the income that I receive. There's no one around to bail me out if I do. I believe our founding fathers set up a system of govering that made this country the greatest country in the world where everyone was free. Free enough to say whatever gawdawful thing they want. I believe there are rules to living in this awesome country. I resent people NOT obeying the rules, ALL the rules, even our government leaders that somehow manage to "overlook" paying their taxes. Just let me try that and see what would happen!!!

O.k. enough of my rant. I am the Tea Party if only my tail feathers are sticking out of the ground!!